Shia Labeouf Will Divide Us (A Satire)

By Alison Sloan (Patriarchy Smasher)

The website HEWILLNOTDIVIDE.US was a participatory performance artwork created by Shia LaBeouf, with the help of Nastja Rönkkö & Luke Turner. The art piece consisted of a small security camera mounted on a wall outside the Museum of the Moving Image in Brooklyn, New York. It began at 9am on January 20, 2017, the day of the inauguration of the 45th President of the United States. The public was invited to deliver the words "HE WILL NOT DIVIDE US", repeating the phrase as many times, and for as long as they felt was appropriate. The plan for HEWILLNOTDIVIDE.US was for the art piece to be open to all citizens, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It was live-streamed continuously, and was expected to keep running for four years, or the duration of the presidency. Even though creator, infamous Sia dancer and actual cannibal Shia LaBeouf, believes the art piece to be a form of silent and passive resistance, it is clear that the intention behind this “peaceful protest” is fueled by nothing but radical misinformation and liberal propaganda.


When you Google “liberal scum,” you will soon be shown an image of Shia LaBeouf’s face. LaBeef is notoriously known for his odd art pieces. At one point in time, the actor decided to watch literally every movie he’s ever made for three days straight. He was filmed while watching his movies, and priceless reactions ensued. Shortly after this show-stopping performance, LaDoof started his next art piece, which consisted of him parading around with a brown paper bag over his head with the words “I Am Not Famous Anymore” scrawled across the front, a fact that the majority of the public had already known since the release of the first Transformers movie. Sometimes, on a windy night, if you listen closely, you can hear the faint distant echoes of Shia screeching from his makeshift RV, pleading for someone to bring him more Artesian water, personally filtered and hand-carried by Aborigines, so that he can take his hourly Midol. Shia LaBeouf? More like Shia LaWeak.


According to TMZ, the Museum of Moving Image stated that they shut down the project because its site became a “flashpoint for violence.” To be frank, the only person that can be blamed about the Museum closing this project down is LaPuff. He needs to tolerate and support the opposing view, no matter how misogynist and racist it is. Regardless, this art piece was fueled by liberalism, so conservatives and Trump supporters alike were never allowed a say in the matter. However, they still tried. Recently, white supremacists began dancing around with jugs of milk and yelling random things at the camera. This is the kind of riveting content that Democrats are missing out on when they oppress the conservative party.


Still, Republicans persisted. Innocent Neo-Nazis would sometimes attempt to make appearances, including one that LaButt had an altercation with. The man involved had stepped into frame and said “1488,” a phrase combining two white supremacist numeric symbols, directly into the camera. The “14 Words” slogan refers to "We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children,” while 88 is slang for “Heil Hitler.” LaTough attempted to intimidate the man with his advanced beard, then promptly chased him around the block. LaGoof apparently threatened the poor racist male (even though he was probably Shia LaBluffing), and was placed under arrest, immediately being put in Shia LaHandcuffs.


HEWILLNOTDIVIDE.US was just like everything liberals try to organize, and it soon deteriorated into a debacle. Liberal pieces of trash like LaThurst believe that we are living in a bad episode of the Shia-ning. They believe that Americans will soon become possessed by the “evil”, “demonic” presence in office. They say that they created HEWILLNOTDIVIDE.US to display a sense of peaceful resistance guided by the spirit of each individual participant and the community. Don’t believe them. Take action. Fight back with the fire of a thousand old- fashioned, orthodox, male dragons. Yell traditionalist obscenities in the streets. Grab women by their privates, and don’t take no for an answer.

Don’t think.




Here's one way author Alison Sloan suggests you can get involved: He Will Not Divide Us

Take Action Now: Progressive Advocacy