#EverythingMatters (A Satire on the "All Lives Matter" Movement)

By Alison Sloan (College Undergraduate)

Whenever the term “Black Lives Matter” comes up, a lot of white people get extremely uncomfortable. So in order to make themselves feel more included, caucasians came up with the phrase “All Lives Matter.” Supporters of the BLM movement need to realize that white people have to be the center of attention. It’s vital for them to thrive. They aren’t being racist when they advocate for the All Lives Matter movement. They’re just trying to feel less inferior whenever someone implies that black lives are important; because even though the implied message that White Lives Matter is already affluent in today’s society, white people just want to make it clear that they still do.

BlackLivesMatter.com defines the BLM movement as “an ideological and political intervention in a world where Black lives are systematically and intentionally targeted”, and even though this definition came directly from the group’s official website, its message is simply untrue. Despite the fact that The New York Times has proven that “most police shootings from 2009 to 2012 had been unjustified”, the only reason why African-Americans are more likely to be the victims of police force is because they probably did something wrong.

On top of the absurd statement that black lives are specifically targeted by the police, a comedian named Francesca Ramsey stated in an interview with VOX that the Black Lives Matter movement "isn’t saying black lives matter more than anyone else’s”. However, the name “Black Lives Matter” itself implies something different. It does not include any other ethnicity other than black lives, which can be closely tied to the idea of discrimination towards white people, which will not be tolerated in this country.

When people say “Black Lives Matter”, they believe that they are bringing awareness to discriminatory state violence and advocating for black lives acquiring basic human rights and respect. In fact, BlackLivesMatter.com agrees with these people. They believe that they are “broadening the conversation around state violence to include all of the ways in which Black people are intentionally left powerless at the hands of the state... how Black lives are deprived of our basic human rights and dignity.” Obviously, they don’t know what Black Lives Matter really is, which is a hate group. Multiple articles have proven this to be true. I haven’t read any of them, and I can’t seem to find any, but they exist. I promise.

Knock-knock.

Who’s there?

Facts. One major “problem” (according to the #BlackLivesMatter movement) is that there is a type of “news bias” toward stories generated at caucasian audiences (other people would all it “racism within the media”, but that’s too harsh). However, more and more stories have been popping up of young (and supposedly unarmed) black men being abused, mistreated and fatally shot during routine traffic stops. However, this is not how the majority of black people are killed. And since black people being killed by the police is basically insignificant compared to other alternatives, our society tends to not treat it as anything to worry about.

The FBI Crime Reports of 2014 state that close to 90 percent of African-American homicides were committed by other African Americans. The reason behind this might be that crime is most commonly committed by someone who lives in the same neighborhood as/physically resembles the victim. You could also take into account that black people also only make up 13 percent of the US compared to white people, who make up 62 percent. However, that information is too logical. To quote the great Stephen Colbert: “It’s all facts, no heart." The real reason is because African Americans are more prone to committing crimes. It’s just how they’re raised. It’s embedded into their culture. Have you even seen Lion King?

Black Lives Matter is a complicated issue. It’s a hate group that belittles white people and tries to cover up the real reason why thousands of black people are being killed by the police: because black people commit more crimes than innocent white folks. Needless to say, #BlackLivesMatter has brought a lot of unneeded discomfort to the white majority of this country. It’s time that the United States of America drops the #BlackLivesMatter movement and picks up the #AllLivesMatter/#EverythingMatters movement.

Because even though white people still have all the power and respect, it’s just not as fun anymore.

*Here's one way author Alison Sloan suggests you can get involved: https://action.groundswell-mvmt.org/petitions/a-call-for-an-end-to-violence-against-black-people-and-law-enforcement-officers

Take Action Now: Black, Racial Justice