Is He Right? [NO!]

By Viraj S. Attre

When I was younger, my sisters used to tease me about my ears.

I’m a middle-child, so I’m now entirely certain my ears are perfectly normal, but yes, there was once a time when my biggest problem in life was how I felt about my ears. 

Anyway, one night, I burst into my parent’s bedroom and whined to my dad about my life-threatening problem. He, then wizened by years of fatherhood and the love of sleeping, grunted back, “Well, are they right?”

I’d think about that, spending ages in absolute concentration, and satisfied by a quick comparison to my dad’s ears, confidently said, “No!”

My dad, happy that he had avoided thermonuclear war, said, “Good. Then you have nothing to worry about.”

Anytime thereafter I heard about my gigantic ‘lobes, I’d just think about what my dad said, and I’d just laugh – how mad could I get about something I knewwasn’t true?

Years later, on November 8th, the citizens of America elected Donald Trump as President, telling all of America’s children that yes, anyone can grow up to be President. 

Along the path to the Presidency, the Donald made a lot of vitriolic statements, such as promising to end illegal immigration, ending Muslim immigration to the United States and that climate change was a hoax, perpetrated by the Chinese. 

Of course, there’s a small issue with much of what he’s says.

He’s probably wrong.

Illegal immigrants are as likely to have crossed the border as they are to have overstayed legal visas, but instead a Trump administration will spend billions on building a wall that will do literally nothing, depleting our schools and social security, all ironically for a man who pays less in taxes than those immigrants.

According to the FBI, radical Islamic terror makes up less than 10% of terror activities against the US – in the decade following 9/11, Americans were six times more likely to be killed by falling TVs than a Muslim terrorist – but because we spent a few trillion in Iraq we can’t seem to get out of this mindset that all Muslims want to kill us and end our way of life, even as our Muslim soldiers, doctors and teachers continue to make our America great.

Global warming is real and poses a significant and immediate threat according to 97% of environmental scientists, and already people are dying as a result of calamitous environmental policies, but Trump can feed people lies like “clean coal” to string along Rust Belt workers who long to go back to something familiar.

Of course, a lot of Americans still entirely believe Trump’s 3 o’clock tweet storms and yuuuge announcements, and for the people that Donald talks about, the cognitive dissonance can be terrifying.

I’d like to address that.

I know a lot of my LGBTQ, undocumented, Muslim and female friends are probably pretty scared about what the President-elect has said about them, and all of these facts probably don’t do much to assuage them. I can’t say everything’s going to ok either — in fact, things probably won’t be ok. 

But to address the abhorrent things Trump and his supports have said about all of you, I’d like to ask y’all something:

Is he right?

[To my nasty women, rapists, and disgusting pigs, here’s where you’d say no]

Then you’ve got nothing to worry about.