Numb

By Zachary Noel (Clark University Undergraduate)

It’s been rough. I haven’t even had the time to think about my own feelings, because everyone around me is so depressed and upset. On the night of the election, one of my friends had a severe panic attack on the other side of campus. I drove my car over so she wouldn’t have to walk back to her dorm. She was so upset she barely knew what was going on - the election was scaring her so much. She’s part of the LGBTQ+ community, and so she was scared for her life. Beyond that, she was scared for her friends’ lives. She was so panicked she ended up throwing up. Once I got her settled in bed and calm, I drove back home. I spent maybe 5 minutes there before walking into my roommate’s room, where I found him sobbing on his bed. For the first time in his life, he told me he was actually scared for his life as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. He was so scared, for his life, his job, his friends, his family. He sobbed in my arms for about 20 minutes, while I tried to comfort him. I’ve been telling people it’s going to be okay, that nothing is going to happen. But in reality, that’s just a lie I’m saying so they feel better. I don’t truly believe everything will be okay. I’ve been so busy attempting to cheer people up and help people feel okay that I haven’t had a second to feel anything at all. But I think that’s exactly how I’m feeling - just numb. I’m not upset. I’m not happy. I’m just numb. I don’t know where the future of our country will go, and I don’t know if I want to know.